Executive coach and author Marshall Goldsmith wrote, "Feedback is a gift that only other can give." What makes it so difficult for so many of us to give and receive feedback if that is the case?
Power is the culprit for much of the trouble we have giving and receiving feedback. Our motive may be to control people if we give feedback to someone. And our reluctance to accepting feedback is probably a resistance to change.
It can be helpful to get clear on the purpose of feedback before we give it. Here are five different types of feedback and suggestions for each.
Evaluation Feedback:
This is the feedback type that is found the most in the workplace. But is also the kind that doesn't help very much. Evaluation feedback always happens at the end. At the end of a year your performance is evaluated. After a week-long class is over. At the completion of a project. True, evaluation feedback will improve how we do it the next time, and we all need to be willing to rate ourselves. But why not give and get feedback when we can learn from it real time?
Real-Time Performance Feedback:
Real-time performance feedback usually comes from a superior or someone else who is not successful unless you are. While it may be couched as an observation or something for you to think about, when someone shares performance feedback, they intend for you to change your behavior.
When you feel that you are receiving performance feedback from someone, it is helpful to be direct and clear. Try asking, "what exactly would you like me to stop or start doing?" And once you hear what they have to say, be willing to change!
Fine-Tuning:
This feedback comes from people who think you are generally doing a good job, but they see an opportunity for you to get even better by tweaking a behavior or two. One of the best examples of fine-tuning feedback I ever received was from a course participant.She told me she enjoyed my course and then asked if she could share some feedback.She then went on to explain that when I nodded my head while she and others were talking she felt rushed.WOW! This blew me away because I had no idea that my behavior was having this negative impact.
The key to giving fine-tuning feedback is to share the impact a behavior has on you or others. The person giving the feedback is not necessarily interested in controlling you, or even changing you. They share how a behavior impacts them, then gives the other person a chance to change, or not change.
Feed-Forward:
Goldsmith came up with this one years ago.It means giving someone suggestions in advance about how to behave rather than waiting for them to fail and beating them up afterward. Years ago my husband was about to present to his company's executive leadership team for the first time. His boss gave him great feed-forward about how to dress, when to speak, how much detail to go into, etc.
Slap Upside the Head:
Two years ago, a colleague who is also a great friend sat me down and said, "You are making yourself and others miserable.What's going on?"
Only very good friends can give slap upside the head feedback. It involves personal feedback that people share out of concern and caring. In his book, Who's Got Your Back, Keith Ferrazzi gives some great examples of this feedback along with the assertion that we all desperately need people in our lives who care enough to give it.
The person who gives slap upside the head feedback isn't trying to control you or change you for their sake. They speak up because they know where you want to be and see that you are getting in your own way.
Summary
Feedback Givers: Before you give feedback, think through your intention and the type of feedback that fits best.Remember that if you are not in a position of authority, evaluation feedback is not appropriate.You can lead a horse to water . . .
Feedback Receivers:We all suffer from a lack of self-awareness at times and feedback is the only way we can learn what our blind spots are. Even when you don't agree with it, view feedback as a gift. If it's evaluation or performance feedback, you have a chance to change in order to do better in the eyes of others.If it's fine-tuning or slap upside the head feedback, you have the choice to change or not.
Power is the culprit for much of the trouble we have giving and receiving feedback. Our motive may be to control people if we give feedback to someone. And our reluctance to accepting feedback is probably a resistance to change.
It can be helpful to get clear on the purpose of feedback before we give it. Here are five different types of feedback and suggestions for each.
Evaluation Feedback:
This is the feedback type that is found the most in the workplace. But is also the kind that doesn't help very much. Evaluation feedback always happens at the end. At the end of a year your performance is evaluated. After a week-long class is over. At the completion of a project. True, evaluation feedback will improve how we do it the next time, and we all need to be willing to rate ourselves. But why not give and get feedback when we can learn from it real time?
Real-Time Performance Feedback:
Real-time performance feedback usually comes from a superior or someone else who is not successful unless you are. While it may be couched as an observation or something for you to think about, when someone shares performance feedback, they intend for you to change your behavior.
When you feel that you are receiving performance feedback from someone, it is helpful to be direct and clear. Try asking, "what exactly would you like me to stop or start doing?" And once you hear what they have to say, be willing to change!
Fine-Tuning:
This feedback comes from people who think you are generally doing a good job, but they see an opportunity for you to get even better by tweaking a behavior or two. One of the best examples of fine-tuning feedback I ever received was from a course participant.She told me she enjoyed my course and then asked if she could share some feedback.She then went on to explain that when I nodded my head while she and others were talking she felt rushed.WOW! This blew me away because I had no idea that my behavior was having this negative impact.
The key to giving fine-tuning feedback is to share the impact a behavior has on you or others. The person giving the feedback is not necessarily interested in controlling you, or even changing you. They share how a behavior impacts them, then gives the other person a chance to change, or not change.
Feed-Forward:
Goldsmith came up with this one years ago.It means giving someone suggestions in advance about how to behave rather than waiting for them to fail and beating them up afterward. Years ago my husband was about to present to his company's executive leadership team for the first time. His boss gave him great feed-forward about how to dress, when to speak, how much detail to go into, etc.
Slap Upside the Head:
Two years ago, a colleague who is also a great friend sat me down and said, "You are making yourself and others miserable.What's going on?"
Only very good friends can give slap upside the head feedback. It involves personal feedback that people share out of concern and caring. In his book, Who's Got Your Back, Keith Ferrazzi gives some great examples of this feedback along with the assertion that we all desperately need people in our lives who care enough to give it.
The person who gives slap upside the head feedback isn't trying to control you or change you for their sake. They speak up because they know where you want to be and see that you are getting in your own way.
Summary
Feedback Givers: Before you give feedback, think through your intention and the type of feedback that fits best.Remember that if you are not in a position of authority, evaluation feedback is not appropriate.You can lead a horse to water . . .
Feedback Receivers:We all suffer from a lack of self-awareness at times and feedback is the only way we can learn what our blind spots are. Even when you don't agree with it, view feedback as a gift. If it's evaluation or performance feedback, you have a chance to change in order to do better in the eyes of others.If it's fine-tuning or slap upside the head feedback, you have the choice to change or not.
About the Author:
Wendy Mack is a advisor, speaker, and change catalyst who has a passion for helping leaders mobilize energy for change, To get more articles and resources on leading and communicating change visit: www.WendyMack.com
